But early this morning as I took my poodle out before the
I've been
And here's what God's been leading me to: idolatry. WHAT?!?! In my mind I just need the right book, the most effective disciplining technique and a gigantic dose of patience and long-suffering. Come on, God, just one word of infinite wisdom on the whole parenting thing is just the ticket. Tell me what to do and how to do it, what to say and when to say it. Give me the essential Christian mom tools and send me packing, thankyouverymuch. Because, after all, I can handle it. (See the idolatry sneeking in??)
I'm not talking about those ginormous, graven statue idols. No, that's way too easy. I'm referring to those whacked out thoughts, those rearranged and mispositioned priorities, those things in my life that take greater precedence than God. Sounds too easy, yet too subtle. It's a matter of the heart. We are worshippers, or glory givers. God made us that way, for HIS glory. It's not a matter of if we are worshipping, but what we are worshipping. So what has my priority? My thoughts? My time, devotion, and energy? What consumes me? "What makes life worth living? What can I find to excite or delight me?" (Instructing a Child's Heart by Tedd and Marcy Tripp) Hmmm, tough questions to ask.
We were created for amazement in a way no other created being is, and our thirsty souls will seek until it is found and satisfied. The world offers so many avenues for find amazement, worth, and fascination. Problem is, they are all temporal and never fully satisfy, at least not in the end. Life doesn't have "satisfaction guaranteed" return policies that we expect as consumers of this modern, convenient, immediate-driven society. Idols can take many forms: power, influence, pride, performance, possessions, positions, pleasures, desire for approval, friendships, and yes, even our children. Ouch, stingers, I know. They all sneak in so subtlety, with much nicer sounding labels.
For me I prefer to call it parental role. Sounds much nicer, doesn't it? I applaud my obsession for mothering my child successfully since it's my role, my responsibility, my way of showing God, "SEE...I'm doing my best at what you called me to. I'm reading the books. I'm studying the experts. I'm devoting myself to my highest calling, to raise my child. Oh, and I'm praying, too!" Now, all these things are good things... in their proper place. That's where the problem lies. Yes, God calls us to study, seek wisdom, and pray. And theologically sound books and wise friends are good resources that God gives us. And, yes, God has given me a calling as mother, which does carry responsibility to raise my child in the knowledge and wisdom of the Lord. (Psalm 145 "One generation will commend your works to another; they will tell of your mighty acts. They will speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty...They will tell of the power of your awesome works...They will celebrate your abundant goodness and joyfully sing of your righteousness.") But when all these "good" things become more important in my life than God, when I strive for them more than I long for God's presence in my life, I'm out of balance. I'm giving glory to my parenting role and myself rather than to God who alone deserves all glory. I'm trying to gain wisdom apart from the source of all wisdom. And that's just plain backwards.
So why do we so easily fall into this trap? Because we are created to be glory givers. It's not a matter of if we'll give glory, but where will we give it. And when our soul is not feasting on the glory and splendor of God, it's seeking cheap alternatives elsewhere. God created this world and all that's in it to showcase His majesty and point us to Him, the Author of all. But all too often we get fixated on the creation and not the Creator. The things in this world are not all bad, but their importance and the role they play in our life can have devastating results. God created this world to showcase His goodness. "He designed relationships...so we can understand He is wise and good...He made seasons...to display His faithfulness...God furnished the world...so we could know His provision...He gave trees that blossom and bear fruit...to reveal His infinity and our finitude...The starry hosts tell about His eternal power and infinite nature...Our bodies display the excellence of God." (Tripp) All of creation points to the sovereignty of God. So, therefore, all my striving should be to bring glory to God. And if God's glory is not the end result of my doings, as good as my intentions are, my heart is given to idolatry. It's divided, and a divided house will not stand.
I think my worry over my parenting skills and my obsession to "get it right" comes from a root of disbelief. I've taken on God's responsibility as my own. And I'm just not good at being God. I lack a few credentials, you know. I feel I need God plus my own hard work and efforts. God said if He be lifted up, He will draw all men (and my daughter) unto Himself. If my life is displaying God's glory, if all my actions and reactions point to God's grace and mercy, then my child will see God through me (and despite of my shortcomings). So the formula is not God + fill-in-the-blank. It's God. My actions, words and reactions will be a byproduct instead of a key ingredient.
Allow me to quote Tripp once, or twice, more. (It's a great read. I recommend it.) "Delight in God awakens the soul; at the same time everything else in life that competes with God for your devotion fades...Help your children delight in God...Your children are not likely to grow into adults who truly know God unless you provide them with a big God who is worthy of worship...Where will the human hunger be satisfied? Rest in God alone...There is a transcendent satisfaction in God which trials and difficulties cannot diminish and which success and pleasure cannot enhance...Turn yourself again to the One who saved you. Behold His glory that will transform you to His likeness. Your children will notice."
Psalm 96:1-3 "Sing to the LORD a new song; sing to the LORD, all the earth. Sing to the LORD, praise His name; proclaim His salvation day after day. Declare His glory among the nations, His marvelous deeds among all peoples."
Isaiah 55:3 "Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare. Give ear and come to me; hear me that your soul may live."
Psalm 63:1-5 "O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands. My soul will be satisfied, as with the riches of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you."
So instead of striving to be the perfect, all-encompassing mother with expectations that I cannot live up to, I'll strive to worship God alone, display His glory in what I say and do, and trust Him with my child's heart. Such a stress relief for me to know that God is in control of the universe, and He will lead and guide my child just as He has me. He can protect her far better than I ever could. There is no safer place for my child to be than in God's hands, so therefore I'll let go of my grasp of things I cannot control and my feeling that I have to make all things happen. (And I will keep reminding myself of this every time I begin to stress agian. So maybe I should tape this post to my bathroom mirror??)
