Kid Conversations {vol. 2}

While at ballet camp waiting for Brielle's class to be done and theirs to start, Kendall and her bff have spent the week writing lyrics and choreographing a dance to it.  Nearing the end of their long practice,

Kendall: This is too much hard work.

Hannah: Kendall, this is for the Lord!

Kendall:  Let's take a water break.

Hannah:  Ok

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When settling down into bed,

Brielle:  I'm scared!

Kendall (irritated): There's no reason to be scared.  There are two people here..... me.....and God!

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Disclaimer:  This following conversation contains adults only, but it sure was funny!

While vacationing with the in-laws, Gabe lost his balance on the water slide (that he had already slid down with Brielle in his lap for like 83 times) and hit his rear end on the grate at the bottom of the pool...

Gabe (laughing, as always) :  I got a big ole bruise on my butt!

Mother-in-law:  Gabe! That could give you trouble for the rest of your life!

Me:  Way to be positive there, Vickie.

Father-in-law:  Well here's the positive note...at least if it's the rest of your life you don't have long to suffer.

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Brielle:  Mom, what's for dinner?

Me: hot dog with no bun, corn...

Brielle (using her daily "hate" trick that I don't fall for):  I don't like anything yellow.

Me (outsmarting her), downcast, horrified face and voice:  I guess you can't drink lemonade anymore.

<5 for="" pause="" second="" turning="" wheels="">~5 second pause for turning wheels~

Brielle:  I drink pink lemonade.

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Kid Conversations {vol.1}

Brielle: Know what next color hair dad is going to have...gray!

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Upon learning that Brielle drank her blue Gatorade while she was gone at school, Kendall yelled: Uugh, what a rip off!!

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Six months after Mommy had Brielle's hair chopped at her ears to keep her from twirling it into knots and thus breaking it off stand by strand,

Brielle:  Grandpa twirled his hair.  That's why he doesn't have any.

Think I got my point across.

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Brielle: Gigi used to be a teacher.  She told me.
Mommy:  That's right.  She taught high school.  The big kids.
Brielle: Yeah, but then she got fired.
Mommy: Fired??
Brielle:  Yeah, she told me.
Mommy:  What does fired mean??
Brielle:  To lose your job.

Note:  There is no evidence to support Brielle's claims that Gigi was ever fired.

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Kendall (avid Full House fan): We don't want to clean up.  We're not Danny Tanner.

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Brielle, spitting bubbles into the bathtub,:  That's the spit I didn't need.

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Brielle:  I kissed Ethan on the lips.

Kendall: oooooh!  When are you getting married?

Brielle:  Tomorrow at school.

Kendall Conversations

Pointing to the hole Daddy cut in the roof of her hideout cardboard box,

Kendall:  That's my suntan roof.

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Kendall (at the outlet mall):  Can we have quarters to ride the [fill-in-the-blank] ride?

Daddy:  I don't have any money.

Kendall:  You're blank.

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I don't remember the topic at hand, but we were talking about something Kendall was really excited about...

Kendall: Wild horses couldn't keep me away!

Mommy:  Where did you hear that?!

Kendall:  Brady Bunch

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On Good Friday I hear this from the back seat...

Kendall (teacher voice):  Brielle, I want you to remember two things.  Jesus died on today in the Bible and he stayed died for three days and then...guess what...he came alive again on Sunday...And the Easter Bunny comes Sunday too.

Glad her priorities are in order.

Kendall Conversations {vol. 18}

Sitting on the back porch watching Brielle act like, well, a tired almost-two-year-old...

Kendall: (sigh)  I can't wait for Brielle to be three.  One-year-olds and two-year-olds are just too complicated!!


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Overheard from back seat after an ambulance sped by with its light on,

Kendall to Brielle (teacherly voice):  It's ok for ambulances to speed.  But nobody else can speed.

Brielle:  Dada?

Kendall: No, Dada can't speed either...JuJu speeded and got a ticket...And Mommy got two tickets. But not when she was an adult.  She was a teenager...It goes like this: kid, teenager, grown up...One day you'll be a teenager.  You'll be sixteen going on seventeen like Leisl.  Or you'll be fourteen like Freidrick.  Or you'll be thirteen like Louisa.  Or you'll be almost eleven like Kurt.  Or you'll be nine like Brigita... But I'll always be older than you, even when we're grown ups.  When you're nine I'll be thirteen.

{Watch out, Fam.  She's got dirt on us all!}

Kendall Conversations {vol. 17}

After getting home from ballet, Kendall rein acted the lesson as the teacher and Daddy the pupil.  While holding Mommy's bible opened to a Psalm,

Kendall (in a teacherly voice): Let's read our verse for today.  "Praise the Lord with dancing.  Have joy in your heart...while doing splits.

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Kendall gave a very important public announcement to her classmates...

Kendall: This morning my mommy and daddy kissed on the lips! (pause for gasps and horrors response)  But do not be alarmed.  They are married so it's ok.

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A dreaded conversation...

Kendall:  Mommy, is Santa real?

Mommy: What do YOU think?

Kendall:  I think so.  But I know that guy at Bass Pro was not the real Santa.  That was a man dressed up.  Where was the real Santa?

Mommy:  Well, Santa isn't like God; he can only be in one place at one time so he needs people to help him out.

Kendall:  I know Santa is not God.  So how does he know all about me then?  He can't text parents.

Momentary pause for mental reflections.

Kendall (answering her own question):  He must have a machine that he can talk to God on.

Mommy:  Maybe so.

Kendall:  But flying reindeer?? Can reindeer really fly?

Mommy:  I guess.  What do YOU think?

Kendall:  I think they went to Disney World and got pixie dust.

Momentary pause for mental reflection.

Kendall:  But Disney World is too far.  Santa can't go that far to get pixie dust.

More mental reflection.

Kendall:  I know.  He ordered it online....But how does UPS trucks get to the North Pole?

Mommy: Well, maybe there's a UPS sleigh.

Kendall: Maybe so.

Kendall:  What about elves?  Are there really elves?? They have weird ears so I don't know.

Mommy:  What do YOU think?

Kendall:  Quit saying 'what do YOU think'.

Mommy (new approach): If Santa and flying reindeer are real then there must be elves, too.

Kendall:  Yeah, I guess. 

Wonder how much longer I'll be able to dodge that bullet...

Kendall Conversations {vol. 16}

While reading from her new Bible...

Daddy: Yes, God made the sun so we could see how wonderful everything He made is.

Daddy: What are you glad that God made that the sun lets you see?

Kendall: I'm glad He made the sun so I could see Disney World.

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Kendall's absolute favorite movie (and Christmas present) right now is The Sound of Music.  She was introduced to it with Carrie Underwood's latest version, and now she's absolutely obsessed.  Her five-year-old mind is trying to wrap itself around elapsed time and that the movie made a long time ago is about a family that lived even longer ago.  Apparently these concepts can be tricky...

Kendall:  Are the real VonTrap children still alive?

Daddy:  I think so.

Kendall:  Well I know Leisl is because she's sixteen going on seventeen.

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The last morning in Disney World while we're in line for the bus to take us to Magic Kingdom,

Kendall:  Didn't you tell me no more Sprite (in my refillable resort mug that we're been filling every morning before embarking for the day)??

Mommy (for the tenth-ish time):  Yes!  Because every morning you've had to PEE while we've been on the bus on the way to a park.

Kendall:  Ok.  Good.  I got root beer instead.

Mommy thinking to herself: @#*%(%#*#(@)!

Kendall Conversations {vol. 15}

While Daddy was putting Kendall to bed, apparently he did something she deemed inappropriate...

Kendall:  Daddy Goza!

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While pulling out the driveway to run errands with Mommy and seeing Daddy edging the grass,

Kendall:  I thought Daddy was going to cut the grass.  He's not.  He's weedering.

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Kendall:  Mommy, I didn't eat much of my lunch today.  I didn't have an apple-tite.

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From the bathroom, Kendall:  Don't come in, I'm privacing!

Kendall Carpool Conversations {vol. 1}

So I'm going to have to start a sequel to Kendall Conversations specifically for the morning carpool line.  So far she's three for two.  Yes, she's had three quoatables in two carpool lines.



I preface the first with the fact that we have THE BEST pre-kindergarten program.  And I'm not partial just because it's our church and I direct the MMO.  It's really that good.  Kendall is beginning her fifth (and last - sniff sniff) year so she's a big ole fish and a little bitty pond.  She has grown so much socially, academically and spiritually these past few years.  Well apparently she loves school because...

Kendall on the first day of school thus a long carpool line:  Mom! WHY is this line taking SO LONG?!

Mommy: Baby, for some friends this is their first time to be in carpool and come to school so they might be a little nervous.  It'll take them longer to get out of the car.

Kendall (matter of fact):  Well, the line will be faster tomorrow because they'll learn today that school is a fun place to be.

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Just when Mommy couldn't listen to the same worship CD for the millionth time and was ready to turn it off...

Kendall: Mommy, some times I sing in my head.  You can't hear me but God can.

TURN IT UP!!

So Mommy posts her remark to fb while inching through the line...

Kendall upon seeing Mommy on her phone:  Mom!  That's against the law!!

Ummm...No

Kendall:  Mommy, how old are you?

Mommy: (sigh) 35

Kendall:  You're a 35-er!

We're going to have to work on that before the next fourteen years roll by because NOOOO WAY am I EVER gonna be referred to in ANY WAY as a 49er.  Ever. Who Dat.

And just for that...

 WHO DAT!!

Kendall Conversations {vol. 14}

Kendall:  Mama, when you get really old and really old, I'm going to wear all your clothes. 

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Kendall:  (annoyed) Mama, when we left the restaurant why did you go with JuJu in her car without telling me??

Mommy:  So she wouldn't have to ride alone. (and so we could have one-on-one quality sister time)

Kendall:  Yeah, but you snooked!

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Mommy went to check on Kendall in the bathroom.

Kendall:  Mommy!  Don't come in; I'm privacing!!

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Mommy had just wiped up a baby spit-up puddle on the kitchen floor when Kendall walked through.  Mommy saw Kendall go down right where the still wet spot was.  Mommy braced herself for impact sure to come.  Sure enough...

Kendall:  (once again annoyed) You slipped me!!

Academy Award Winning Performance

Here's a little back story:  I recently went to the doctor to get a little procedure done on my leg which required  some stitches.  It was a little more invasive than I had anticipated and for a few days I was in alot of pain.  But you mamas know we don't get a day off so I just pressed on with life as normal.

Kendall:  Mama, when is the doctor going to take the "bitches" out of your leg??

Without missing a beat, Mommy: Oh, my stitches? Next week.

total poker face

And now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go write my Oscar acceptance speech.

Kendall Conversations vol. 13

Mommy busted out Daddy's toolbox to get a screwdriver whatever the thingy I used is called to lower Brielle's crib mattress.

Horrified, Kendall:  Mom!  Did Daddy say you could play with those???

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Without elaborating details, Daddy was wiping Kendall down with wipes first thing in the morning.

Kendall: Daddy! Stop it! You're colding me!!

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The day of Kendall's first tball practice,

Kendall:  Mommy, are they going to make me drag??

Mommy:  Drag?  What do you mean?

Kendall:  You know, drag in the dirt and get my pants dirty!

Kendall Conversations...vol. 12

The other day while helping Mommy fold clothes, Kendall picked up one of Gabe's undershirts.  She began twisting it as if she was wringing it out. 

Kendall:  I'm folding it like a Twizzler.

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Kendall, holding Brielle: You are amazing! I've always wanted a sister like you.

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Mommy's Declaration:  Nobody else is to take these pillows off the couch and throw them onto the floor today! (Even though it was a general statement, in truth it was directed toward one person.)

Kendall: I don't do that!

Mommy:  Yes you do.  I've watched you.  You walk over to the couch and throw the pillows onto the floor then walk off to do something else.

Kendall:  And you were thinking, "Umm, I wish Kendall wouldn't do that,"??

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You Might Be A City Slicker If...

...your conversation with your four-year-old who just went on a field trip to the fire station and is telling about it goes like this:

Kendall:  The fireman told us about smoke detectors and calling 9-1-1.

Mommy:  Good!  That's important to know. (Note to self:  teach child about dialing 911 and not being scared of firemen.)

Kendall: And guess what??  The fireman told us that he likes to go fishing and hunting.

Mommy:   Ok. (So does 90% of adult males in our region.  Daddy is in the 10%)

Kendall:  Mommy, I like to hunt, too.  Easter is my favorite holiday just like the fireman.  Do you think the fireman will be there at Easter when we have our hunt?? 

Kendall Conversations vol. 11

Kendall:  Mama (knowing how there is a no more pet rule in our house, especially any of the rodent variety) can you move somewhere else so I can get a guinea pig?

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Kendall:  When I grow up I'm not going to be a mommy (her future status changes daily).  I'm going to be a doctor who is a grandma.

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And proving my child is smarter than me at times...

Kendall:  Mom, what's your favorite shape?

Mommy:  My favorite shape??  I've never thought about that before.  Hmmm...I dunno...a circle??

Kendall:  My favorite shape is a diamond.  I like diamonds.

Mommy:  That's a good favorite shape!  Make sure to tell your husband that one day.

Kendall Conversations vol. 10

Pointing to a globe in a store, "Look Mom!  It's a He's Got the Whole World in His Hands!"

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Kendall:  Mommy, can I have a piece of gum? (ten minutes before dinner in a tone that proves she knows the coming answer)

Mommy:  Not now.  We're about to eat.

Kendall in a exhasperated tone throwing her head back and banging her hands against her side:  But Mommy! I haven't had gum in a hundred years!!

Mommy:  Seriously??  Do you even know how long one hundred years is?!  Mamaw and Papaw Goza aren't even one hundred!

(Sorry Mamaw and Papaw that you became the illustration but it was the closest example I could find that she could even remotely wrap her three year old brain around.)

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Kendall:  (laughing) Mommy, you're going to jail!

Mommy:  Why?? (at loss as for a legitimate reason)

Kendall: Uh-cause (translation=because) you didn't cook these green beans good!

Zaccheus (Kendall Version)

The other day we played "circle time"and Kendall, of course, was the teacher.  All her princess barbies sat still and quietly on carpet squares (yes, we had to track down real carpet squares just like the ones at school) and listened intently to Kendall tell the story.

"Ok, guys.  Listen.  I'm going to tell you the story." (In her most caring, in-charge, teachery voice while holding her open Bible in her lap opened up to the Zaccheus story/picture).

"Does Jesus help us??"  (two second pause for pupil response)  "That's right.  Yes He does.  Jesus helps us when we get stuck in trees.  Do you ever get stuck in trees???  Ok, Jesus will help you when you get stuck in trees."

Kendall Conversations vol.9

Kendall:  Hey Mom (from across the den on the sofa).  Close your eyes so you don't see me jump on the couch.

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Pointing to her goosebumps, Kendall:  Look, Mom.  I have sparkles.


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Kendall (giving a weak sounding lion roar):  Mommy, that's a lion with allergies.

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Girly Girl dumping out her wallet:  I'm counting my nickels and diamonds.

Kendall Conversations (Who Dat Style)

In the backyard playing football immediately following the Saints' nail biting, life expectancy shortening OT win over Atlanta...

Kendall (running with football):  Daddy, tackle me over!  I Jimmy Ga-ham.

Daddy:  You're Jimmy Graham??

Kendall:  No, I Sean Peyton (figures...the boss).

Kendall (self correction):  No, I Drew Brees. (looking back over her shoulder)  See number 9 on my back?!

Kendall Conversations vol. 8

Kendall looked at a picture of Gabe and me when I was pregnant and asked where she was.  Gabe explained that she was not in the picture because she was not born yet.  To which she replied, "No, I was at Papa and Gigi's". 

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We listen to her same praise song CD every time we get in the car.  E-VUH-REE time!  And usually she asks for the same song, the "Chloe Song".  Huh?  Let me explain that one. 

This summer during our Thursday play dates, my friend, Danielle, brought a girl, Chloe, who is ten, with her to help watch her busy little boy.  And Chloe had a blast playing with all of us.  Kendall loves Chloe.  She asks where she is every day -still- and wants her to come over and play.  Problem is, I don't know Chloe's parents. 

Anyway, you know the song about Noah?  It starts off, "The Lord told Noah to build him an arky arky... build it out of gopher barky barky".  And each verse goes through the story. The chorus, as Kendall's sings it:

So rise and shine and give God the Chloe Chloe!

(There's just no way to convince an almost three-year-old that they're singing glory, glory!)

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And from the same beloved praise song CD, Kendall sings along as follows:

He placed my feet on a firm DALMATIAN. His banner over me is love!

Again, useless to correct her. Like she would understand what a firm foundation was anyway!