Sitting on the back porch watching Brielle act like, well, a tired almost-two-year-old...
Kendall: (sigh) I can't wait for Brielle to be three. One-year-olds and two-year-olds are just too complicated!!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Overheard from back seat after an ambulance sped by with its light on,
Kendall to Brielle (teacherly voice): It's ok for ambulances to speed. But nobody else can speed.
Brielle: Dada?
Kendall: No, Dada can't speed either...JuJu speeded and got a ticket...And Mommy got two tickets. But not when she was an adult. She was a teenager...It goes like this: kid, teenager, grown up...One day you'll be a teenager. You'll be sixteen going on seventeen like Leisl. Or you'll be fourteen like Freidrick. Or you'll be thirteen like Louisa. Or you'll be almost eleven like Kurt. Or you'll be nine like Brigita... But I'll always be older than you, even when we're grown ups. When you're nine I'll be thirteen.
{Watch out, Fam. She's got dirt on us all!}
Monday, June 30, 2014
Thursday, June 19, 2014
You're Right, It's Not Fair
Over the past five years, more times than I can count, God has spoken to me through my children. He shows me the perspective that I have as mother to my children and then correlates it to His perspective as my heavenly Father. And I must say it's pretty cool. I've grown more spiritually as a mom than I have in most of my adult life. (Maybe it's because being a parent has also brought on a whole new meaning to "pray without ceasing"!)
I do my best as a mom to teacher my children how to face problems instead of trying to fix their problems for them. And honestly, that's hard. Everything in me wants to make everything sunshine and roses, all the while shielding them inside bubble wrap from any wounds, hurts, disappointments or plain ole sin. But I know that in the long run I would be doing my children no favors. I know all too well that it's through disappointments and hardships that we grow the most, learn about ourselves, and gain a little more wisdom along life's journey. (Are ya catchin' any spiritual correlations yet??)
As I'm trying so hard not to get on my mother-who's-also-a-preschool-director soapbox I do need to throw in one my thought in this lead in: fairness. Oh. my. goodness. Every mama wants everything to be fair. We come by it honestly since we are partial to our children who have our hearts. But so many times I've seen "helicopter parents" who totally miss an opportunity to teacher their children about some facts of life, how to treat (and respect) others, and how to view themselves in relation to others because they're too busy trying to make everything fair and equal. Life isn't fair. Life isn't equal. And if during childhood parents run themselves ragged and rant and rave to make everything fair, how will children grow to be adults who can cope in a world full of unfairness?? And how will these future adults ever get passed a sense of entitlement if every battle has always been fought for them??
----Puttin' my soapbox away now---
Kendall has encountered an "unfair" in her early life. Food allergies and whacked out GI system.
Yep. And as a mama, don't even make me get my soapbox right back out and take off on the out of control emphasis on food as recreation, sport, and reward in our culture. I find it counter-productive, and flat out annoying, that a game of t-ball cannot be played (after all, American children are statistically overweight and under-exercised) without serving sugary, fatty snack and drink afterward. And usually, in addition to the health component, the snack contains an off limit ingredient for Kendall. Double whammy.
--- For real, soapbox is gone now---
So how does a mama of a child with GI limitations explain to her five-year-old why she cannot partake in some foods her friends eat? Foods that usually show up at every birthday and class party. What am I going to do with this injustice that has been handed to her? And how do I swim upstream in a food obsessed, Pinterest pinning culture? (FYI...I'm an avid Pinterest pinner so my intent is not to judge, but merely point out the vastness of it all.) I'm tempted to pull my hair out some days. Other days I want to shout from the mountain tops how frustrating it can be. And sometimes I want to either blast our culture or run away and hide forever. But seeing as none of these options seem either feasible or productive, I try to navigate the waters to teach my child valuable lessons in dealing with life when it hands her an unfair hand.
I try to tell her that everybody has a "not fair" in their life. I try not to do the comparison game by pointing out how much worse some people have it. She won't be able to wrap her brain around that thought since food allergies IS the worst thing she's experienced in her first five years. But what I do try to do is let her know that, because of the fallen world we live in and the sinful nature of the human heart, sometimes bad things happen, sometimes there's sorrow, sometimes there's frustrations and illnesses, sometimes there's unfairness that just cannot be rationalized. It is what it is. And as long as we try to fix our problems on our own and wish the "not fairs" away, we'll continue to live a frustrating, defeated life.
Jesus came to give us abundant life. He said, "I AM the way, the truth and the life." And the last enemy to be defeated is death, both in the natural and spiritual. He also promised us that in this life we will have trouble, but take heart that He has OVERCOME the world. Some battles may be defeated here on earth, others not until the other side of eternity when all that is wrong will be made right as we will be in a perfect world that God intended. Until then, the pains of this life remind us that this is not our home; we're made for a greater purpose. God has placed eternity in our heart. We are traveling though this life, but this is not the end. Our heart's longings can only be satisfied in the one Healer.
As her mama, I will always be Kendall's biggest advocate. I will never give up on her. I will tirelessly leave no stone unturned as I continue to fight for her GI health. But in the process I don't want to miss the greater healing: the healing of her soul and changing of her heart that can only come from her Creator who says she is fearfully and wonderfully made and loves her and fights for her more than this mama can possibly do in all her might.
So hang on, Kendall. Your mama loves you more than you know. I'm far from perfect and I don't have all the answers. But thankfully we know the One who is and does. Trust God with all your being. He will bring true healing as He writes His promises on your heart.
Now...I need to continue practicing in my own life what I preach!
I do my best as a mom to teacher my children how to face problems instead of trying to fix their problems for them. And honestly, that's hard. Everything in me wants to make everything sunshine and roses, all the while shielding them inside bubble wrap from any wounds, hurts, disappointments or plain ole sin. But I know that in the long run I would be doing my children no favors. I know all too well that it's through disappointments and hardships that we grow the most, learn about ourselves, and gain a little more wisdom along life's journey. (Are ya catchin' any spiritual correlations yet??)
As I'm trying so hard not to get on my mother-who's-also-a-preschool-director soapbox I do need to throw in one my thought in this lead in: fairness. Oh. my. goodness. Every mama wants everything to be fair. We come by it honestly since we are partial to our children who have our hearts. But so many times I've seen "helicopter parents" who totally miss an opportunity to teacher their children about some facts of life, how to treat (and respect) others, and how to view themselves in relation to others because they're too busy trying to make everything fair and equal. Life isn't fair. Life isn't equal. And if during childhood parents run themselves ragged and rant and rave to make everything fair, how will children grow to be adults who can cope in a world full of unfairness?? And how will these future adults ever get passed a sense of entitlement if every battle has always been fought for them??
----Puttin' my soapbox away now---
Kendall has encountered an "unfair" in her early life. Food allergies and whacked out GI system.
Yep. And as a mama, don't even make me get my soapbox right back out and take off on the out of control emphasis on food as recreation, sport, and reward in our culture. I find it counter-productive, and flat out annoying, that a game of t-ball cannot be played (after all, American children are statistically overweight and under-exercised) without serving sugary, fatty snack and drink afterward. And usually, in addition to the health component, the snack contains an off limit ingredient for Kendall. Double whammy.
--- For real, soapbox is gone now---
So how does a mama of a child with GI limitations explain to her five-year-old why she cannot partake in some foods her friends eat? Foods that usually show up at every birthday and class party. What am I going to do with this injustice that has been handed to her? And how do I swim upstream in a food obsessed, Pinterest pinning culture? (FYI...I'm an avid Pinterest pinner so my intent is not to judge, but merely point out the vastness of it all.) I'm tempted to pull my hair out some days. Other days I want to shout from the mountain tops how frustrating it can be. And sometimes I want to either blast our culture or run away and hide forever. But seeing as none of these options seem either feasible or productive, I try to navigate the waters to teach my child valuable lessons in dealing with life when it hands her an unfair hand.
I try to tell her that everybody has a "not fair" in their life. I try not to do the comparison game by pointing out how much worse some people have it. She won't be able to wrap her brain around that thought since food allergies IS the worst thing she's experienced in her first five years. But what I do try to do is let her know that, because of the fallen world we live in and the sinful nature of the human heart, sometimes bad things happen, sometimes there's sorrow, sometimes there's frustrations and illnesses, sometimes there's unfairness that just cannot be rationalized. It is what it is. And as long as we try to fix our problems on our own and wish the "not fairs" away, we'll continue to live a frustrating, defeated life.
Jesus came to give us abundant life. He said, "I AM the way, the truth and the life." And the last enemy to be defeated is death, both in the natural and spiritual. He also promised us that in this life we will have trouble, but take heart that He has OVERCOME the world. Some battles may be defeated here on earth, others not until the other side of eternity when all that is wrong will be made right as we will be in a perfect world that God intended. Until then, the pains of this life remind us that this is not our home; we're made for a greater purpose. God has placed eternity in our heart. We are traveling though this life, but this is not the end. Our heart's longings can only be satisfied in the one Healer.
As her mama, I will always be Kendall's biggest advocate. I will never give up on her. I will tirelessly leave no stone unturned as I continue to fight for her GI health. But in the process I don't want to miss the greater healing: the healing of her soul and changing of her heart that can only come from her Creator who says she is fearfully and wonderfully made and loves her and fights for her more than this mama can possibly do in all her might.
So hang on, Kendall. Your mama loves you more than you know. I'm far from perfect and I don't have all the answers. But thankfully we know the One who is and does. Trust God with all your being. He will bring true healing as He writes His promises on your heart.
Now...I need to continue practicing in my own life what I preach!
Monday, June 16, 2014
K4 School Year
I combed through my pictures to find the ones from Kendall's K4 year. I don't have a fraction of the amount I had from K3, but Kendall and I both treasure all the memories from this past year.
Here's Kendall on her first day...
Her 5th birthday and field trip to Chick-fil-a...
Hanging out in Mommy's office after school and waiting for ballet...
Proof from school photographer that cracks me up...
Fall party...
More early morning hanging out...
Carpool lane with Collin...
Pumpkin Patch...
And some more hanging out...
Christmas Party...
Birthday party...
Valentine's Party...
Science Museum...
End of Year Program...
Kendall receiving her Bible from Mrs. Belinda...
End of Year Party...
Here's Kendall on her first day...
Her 5th birthday and field trip to Chick-fil-a...
Hanging out in Mommy's office after school and waiting for ballet...
Proof from school photographer that cracks me up...
More early morning hanging out...
Carpool lane with Collin...
Pumpkin Patch...
And some more hanging out...
Christmas Party...
Birthday party...
Valentine's Party...
Science Museum...
End of Year Program...
Kendall receiving her Bible from Mrs. Belinda...
End of Year Party...
Friday, June 13, 2014
Big School
The big day is quickly approaching. The day I've dreaded for a long time. The day that when she was born almost six short years ago that seemed so far away but has come before I realized it.
Big School.
A few weeks ago I ran into a parent of a former kindergartner I taught before I became a mother. (Her daughter will be entering high school in the fall!) I had to apologize to her for something she knew nothing about over the years. Since I hadn't experienced motherhood yet when her child was in my class I didn't fully "get it". I wasn't sure exactly what "it" was at the time as I was told I'd understand one day. What I "didn't get" was why these mamas were making such a fuss over their child being in kindergarten. I mean, really, for crying out loud, they're ONLY five! They're still little! It's not like they're going off to college, which why even worry about since that's still SO far away when you're a mere kindergartner. They can barely read! So c.a.l.m. d.o.w.n. mamas.
Ha! It's amazing how perspective can change things. It's amazing how two small children can come into your life and completely turn your life inside out. Literally. Because becoming a mother involves having your heart walk around outside your body. And every step, every closing chapter in a child's life and motherhood's journey is bittersweet for a mama.
Kendall has many times been referred to as my Sidekick. She's my buddy. She goes with me just about everywhere. It's a rare moment to have time to myself, and that's ok. Tiring, but ok. (Realization #1: Kids grow up WAY too fast.) And up to now, there's very little in Kendall's daily life that I don't know about. Even though she went to a half day K3 and K4 program, she was home by lunch, and I am involved in the program so these teachers and directors are my friends and co-workers. So I was in the know. But now? Oh dear lord, my child will be one little fish in an awfully big pond. I think that 's the hardest part for me. I'm going to miss her! (Realization #2: The days are long but the years are short.) She won't eat lunch with Brielle and me. And the majority of what I know of her day will come solely from what she tells me about unfamiliar teachers and classmates.
(Realization #3: Kids are sponges.) They soak up way more than we give them credit for. They so badly want to be big that they study and imitate the adults around them. I'm praying this summer that God would place Kendall in the class that would be the best fit for her, a teacher that will be a godly role model for her and her classmates. And I'm praying again for this coming year for a sweet friend in her class. A friend who also would be a good influence on her and would have the same morals instilled into her that we are striving to instill in our daughters. God answered that prayer this past year and I'm hopeful He will again.
I know next summer I'll look back on her kindergarten year and be so grateful for God's faithfulness. I'll be happy as a mama to watch her grow. learn and begin to mature into the young lady God created her to be. But given Realization #4 (Anticipation is worse than the event) I'm gonna sweat it out a little this summer.
Bear with this mama. I have moments when I'm excited and happy, and moments when I'm dreadful and anxious. In other words, I'm basically a roller coaster. I hope I get the hang of easing out the nest now. I heard it's worse with the baby! Until then, I'll just squeeze Brielle a little tighter.
Big School.
A few weeks ago I ran into a parent of a former kindergartner I taught before I became a mother. (Her daughter will be entering high school in the fall!) I had to apologize to her for something she knew nothing about over the years. Since I hadn't experienced motherhood yet when her child was in my class I didn't fully "get it". I wasn't sure exactly what "it" was at the time as I was told I'd understand one day. What I "didn't get" was why these mamas were making such a fuss over their child being in kindergarten. I mean, really, for crying out loud, they're ONLY five! They're still little! It's not like they're going off to college, which why even worry about since that's still SO far away when you're a mere kindergartner. They can barely read! So c.a.l.m. d.o.w.n. mamas.
Ha! It's amazing how perspective can change things. It's amazing how two small children can come into your life and completely turn your life inside out. Literally. Because becoming a mother involves having your heart walk around outside your body. And every step, every closing chapter in a child's life and motherhood's journey is bittersweet for a mama.
Kendall has many times been referred to as my Sidekick. She's my buddy. She goes with me just about everywhere. It's a rare moment to have time to myself, and that's ok. Tiring, but ok. (Realization #1: Kids grow up WAY too fast.) And up to now, there's very little in Kendall's daily life that I don't know about. Even though she went to a half day K3 and K4 program, she was home by lunch, and I am involved in the program so these teachers and directors are my friends and co-workers. So I was in the know. But now? Oh dear lord, my child will be one little fish in an awfully big pond. I think that 's the hardest part for me. I'm going to miss her! (Realization #2: The days are long but the years are short.) She won't eat lunch with Brielle and me. And the majority of what I know of her day will come solely from what she tells me about unfamiliar teachers and classmates.
(Realization #3: Kids are sponges.) They soak up way more than we give them credit for. They so badly want to be big that they study and imitate the adults around them. I'm praying this summer that God would place Kendall in the class that would be the best fit for her, a teacher that will be a godly role model for her and her classmates. And I'm praying again for this coming year for a sweet friend in her class. A friend who also would be a good influence on her and would have the same morals instilled into her that we are striving to instill in our daughters. God answered that prayer this past year and I'm hopeful He will again.
I know next summer I'll look back on her kindergarten year and be so grateful for God's faithfulness. I'll be happy as a mama to watch her grow. learn and begin to mature into the young lady God created her to be. But given Realization #4 (Anticipation is worse than the event) I'm gonna sweat it out a little this summer.
Bear with this mama. I have moments when I'm excited and happy, and moments when I'm dreadful and anxious. In other words, I'm basically a roller coaster. I hope I get the hang of easing out the nest now. I heard it's worse with the baby! Until then, I'll just squeeze Brielle a little tighter.
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