It Should Be Classified a Four Letter Word

There's one word that I think is difficult, if not merely impossible at times, to master:  forgiveness. Yep, that would be the "four letter word" referenced in the title.

Doesn't the mention of the word bring an "ummph" from your inmost being?  I've realized lately that forgiveness is hard for one reason.  It's a supernatural act; meaning nothing in me can master it on my own.  Only when we allow God's grace and love to reign in our hearts are we capable of releasing the offender through His forgiveness. Then and only then can we find true freedom, not just the old adage, "forgive and forget" which can be applied, at times I guess, to what we would categorize as minor offences.

Don't read too much into what I'm saying.  Those of you who know me closely you don't need to rack your brains of who possibly did something horrible and unmentionable to me. No need for that. I don't "hate" anyone.  I'm not bearing a huge grudge that is stealing my joy.  I'm not running around pouring out my heart heart to everyone.  No bitterness.  No sleepless nights.  No dashed dreams and heartache. If only it were that easily recognizable.  See, the grave danger of unforgivenss is in its subtlety.  It sneaks up on us slowly and under the radar.  We justify feelings, point accusatory fingers and rally our cause with like-minded friends.  Selfish thoughts take over and we find ourselves in the web of unforgiveness wondering how we got there.

I'm not trying to trivialize hurt. Some hurts inflicted on innocent people leave lasting wounds that run deep. Some are even considered unforgivable, especially when abuse of any sort has been unfairly and undeservedly inflicted on the innocent, whether ourselves or our loved one. I'm referring to the minor to moderate hurts that really are similar to childlike meanness and banter inflicted by the play yard bully.

Here's a truth I've learned:  hurting people hurt people. And I know I've done my share on both sides of this truth.  That's just the fact of it.  When we're wounded, which means our spiritual armor is defective in an area, we carelessly wield our little spiritual swords around with flippant words, actions or innuendos, and when these barbs hit another's compromised armor, hurt happens. And then we stagger around spiritually weeping and wailing of our afflictions.  By this point, our focus is on ourselves.  Our hurt.  Our injustice.  The nerve of that person;  I don't deserve this! And that's the lead in to the other truth:  pride and unforgiveness feed on each other.  If we're nursing our wound, justifiable as it seems, we've all wrapped up in ourselves.  And that's pride. Ouch, I know.

Unfortunately lately I have experienced some unreciprocated feelings and I've even taken up the offences of others in another situation, another dangerous tactic in the forgiveness warfare. Maaaybe I could even use the words:  slight betrayal.  But slight. There's just not one huge thing I'm struggling to forgive.  Instead it's those little grudgerous roots that grow so stealthily under the ground and wrap themselves ever so slightly around our hearts stifling the flow of God's joy and peace. You know, like those annoying, pesky little weeds the pop up in your flowerbeds mere minutes after careful pruning. And if you hate yard work like me, that's just flat out annoying! But what starts out so small over time becomes life sucking and devastating. And just when I think I've uprooted any and all bitterness in me, a careless (or intentional) fling of another's sword pops up some more. I find myself baffled by how I was even bothered at all by such mindless banter or a thoughtless deed, ever as slight as it is in the grand scheme of things.  It's that aforementioned little weed lying hidden under the heart's surface just waiting for the right conditions to rear it's ugly head.

And I'm not punishing the other person with harbored unforgiveness, contrary to how I like to view it at times. Instead I become a prisoner in the very cell of bitterness, unforgiveness and resentment that I built.  Forgiveness becomes easier when we realize two things.  First, the focus is not on the other person, but on ourselves.  It's for our own freedom and healing to forgive.  Since harbored feelings of resentment enslave our very own self, we become our own prisoner. 

Secondly, and most importantly, we lose sight of the forgiveness given to us.  God showed His abundant love and mercy (unmerited favor) by sending His own Son to die for our sins.  Jesus bore the sin of the world, every injustice you and I will ever commit, so that we can have a relationship with Him.  And until we come face to face with our own sinfulness and desperate need of a savior, we can never experience the freedom of forgiveness.  We aren't sinners because we sin; we sin because we're sinners.  The Bible says that we all have sinned and have fallen short of the glory of God.  If we just needed fixing up, as our pastor said, God would not have sent His Son to die, but rather a doctor to bandage us up.  But band aids and medicine were not what was needed.  Blood, as atonement for our sins, from a spotless, sinless lamb was necessary.  God pulled out all the stops.

So who am I to choose not to forgive injustices when I have been forgiven so much?  (By no means does the other extreme apply where we allow ourselves to become doormats from repeated and predicted insults and inflictions.)  Instead, we extend grace and mercy to the accuser, just as God did for us. And if that brings up thoughts of "But you don't know what this person did to me," or "you don't know how I was unfairly accused and treated" or "you don't understand", you may be right.  But consider the words of Max Lucado, "How does God deal with your bitter heart?  He reminds you that what you have is more important than what you don't have.  You still have your relationship with God.  No one can take that."  No matter what I feel the accuser robbed me of, it all pales in comparison to what I have that cannot be taken through Jesus' love and forgiveness.  So whether your struggling to forgive another, yourself, your circumstances or God, remember that God loves you so much more than you could ever think or imagine.  And Jesus understands. 

  The cost is too high NOT to forgive. In reference to satan's primary assault on the believer -seduction- Beth Moore states that the enemy uses doubt, shame, fear and blame (unforgiveness!) to seduce the believer into a fruitless, weary, ineffective life. {But [now] I am fearful, lest that even as the serpent beguiled Eve by his cunning, so your minds may be corrupted and seduced from wholehearted and sincere and pure devotion to Christ. 2 Corinthians 11:3}  The enemy's second and also highly successful tactic, is to convince a believer that "this could never happen to me." See why pride is so dangerous?

Yes, forgiveness is hard and in this life, continuous;  but the ramifications of unforgiveness far exceed any sacrificial pain of forgiveness.  Forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling.  Responding in Christ's love is a supernatural response that can only come through a relationship with Him. Though the mindset of this world is to cling to a hurt, betrayal or conflict for "justifiable reasons" that lead to a victim mentality, Jesus' kingdom is not of this world.  Jesus calls Christians to be salt and light in a dark, fallen world.  And often Christ's words were not the "going trend".

Remember for how much you have been forgiven, let go, and respond in love. You'll be amazed at the freedom you then can walk in.

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For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:14-15


This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.  Matthew 26:28

who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, Psalm 103:3

And to whomsoever much is given, of him shall much be required.  Luke 12:48

Blessed are those whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered.  Romans 4:7

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.  1 John 1:9

I Wouldn't Have Believed It Either

Today was Kendall's buddy, Seth's, birthday party.  The invitation had pictures of construction equipment with advise to get ready to get dirty.  But I never actually thought Kendall would go for it!

Here she is having her turn riding the excavator with Mr. Ryan.

The construction themed party was a big hit.  Each kid decorated a "hard hat" with road sign stickers, donned their orange construction worker jackets and went out to see all the equipment Mr. Ryan had brought over from his business.  There were dirt piles to dig in as well as other backyard toys to play with.

Kendall, the child who seems to be scared of everything, was one of the few who wanted a turn.  Mr. Ryan said she didn't even flinch once.  What a brave little girl she's becoming!

Kendall Conversations vol. 6

At the condo pool while on vacation at the beach.  Kendall took notice of the Hawaiin feel:  the palm trees, waterfalls and pumped in cheese luau music.

Kendall: Mommy, that's swim suit music!

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A few weeks ago I did something to really mess up my back for a few days.  I probably slept on it wrong, and it had me down for the count for a little bit.  Knowing how unusual it was for Mommy to be laying down during the day or complaining of an ailment, Kendall knew something was wrong and didn't know what to think.

Kendall:  Mommy, you back hurts?

Mommy:  Yes, Mommy is laying down on this ice pack to help it feel better.

Kendall:  Mommy, I pray for you, ok?  Dear God, please help Mommy's back feel better. Amen.  Mommy you back feel better yet??

Mommy: Yes, thank you.  It will be all well soon. (I couldn't tell her no.  Her simple child like faith was a good reminder to me that day. And, yes, in a few days it was all better.)

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At church today while I was setting up my Sunday school room, Kendall was playing.  She came over to me with a picture bible.

Kendall:  Mommy, I read you a story, ok?  You listen and I read.
       (opened to the creation) Adam and Eve see fish.  But Adam not touch them.
       (turning to the flood)  Adam and Eve built an ark.
       (turning a few pages) Adam look for Eve.  Not find her. Adam sad.
       (flipping a few more pages) Adam and Eve ride a camel.

Guess we're off to a good start; just have to refine a few details.

You Know You're Tired When...

Friend Fun {Part 1}

This week we went to the zoo for our play day.  The kids had a great time despite the heat.  It was a balmy 92 degrees compared to the triple digits last time.  So who's complaining?

Caleb was the official directional guide and keeper of the map.  He kept us all on track.

Kendall enjoyed petting the goats.

So did Eli and Mrs. Sindee.

And of course the merry-go-round was a favorite.  Kendall chose the tiger all on her own.  Smart girl!

Caleb, Collin and Mrs. Danielle posed quickly before we took off.

Hmmm, Keri and Kendall look up to something!

Kendall's adoration for Caleb lives on, as evidenced by this snap.  Smart girl.  I think he's great, too!

Kendall got hold of the camera and had a photo shoot of her own.  This is Kendall's picture of the tiger-before Caleb convinced her to turn the camera the other way.

And this was her best shot.  The finger was an issue in all her attempts.  Too much to maneuver for a two- and- three-fourths-year-old, I guess.

I guess Caleb took a turn with the camera as well, cuz I didn't take these and I didn't crawl into the "prairie dog" tunnels.

And we completed the visit with the train ride.

Catching Up a Little

June has gotten off to a busy start as usual.  With my birthday, our anniversary, Vacation Bible School and just the fact that it's time to jump start summer, we  are busy little bees. 

Again this year my BFF, Danielle, and I planned Thursday play days for the entire summer.  Two weeks ago we played, sweltered, melted at the park. Our state broke a 100 year old heat record the first week of June.  Seriously.  It was hot.  August hot.  Triple degree hot. By 11am, people.

The kids lasted about an hour.

The following week was the birthday/anniversary/VBS week. 

Here's my present from Gabe.  I mean, seriously, did I have to go past the box to swoon?  No.  And inside was even better:  a fleur-de-lis bracelet.  Even the hole  attaching the fleur-de-lis embossed card was attached with a fleur-de-lis shaped hole for the gold ribbon.  I have GOT to find out where to get a fleur-de-lis hole punch.  Maybe Santa will take care of that in my stocking, for all you "Santas" reading this (teethy grin).  Yes, my husband knows the way to my heart. It aint diamonds for this  Cajun Queen; it's gold, black and gold.

And my three favoritest besties on the planet took me to lunch.  Yes, those are matching VBS shirts Danielle and I are wearing.  New York theme this year, thus the "I heart VBS" big 'ole letters.  Sigh...we SO told our husbands we needed a return trip for pre-VBS research. 

...chirping crickets...

Yeah, still waiting on that.

AAAAND, last but certainly not least, let's just say that next year we'll need a wider angle lens for this picture since TWO more kiddos will have joined this bunch by then.  Yep.  My two friends on either side of me, Jennifer and Leslie, are expecting BOYS this fall.  Kendall is getting way outnumbered by these boys!  But don't feel sorry for her; she needs a little toughin' up!

It's halfway through June and the summer is still gearing up.  Way too much going on, but it's all good!

Happy 10th!

Oh, my! Who are these BABIES in this picture???

And what were their parents thinking letting them do that?!?!  To which my father-in-law likes to reply, "If we had said anything would it have changed anything?"  Probably not.

But seriously, HAPPY 10th ANNIVERSARY to my sweet hubs and best friend, Gabe.  It just blows my mind that God planned the perfect one for me. Ten years have gone by way too fast.  And when I look back over the last decade and see where we are now, I am so grateful that God has blessed us greatly and carried us when needed.  He's seen us through the storms for sure.

Think about all that has happened in our marriage. (Things we would never have imagined on our wedding day.):

September 11th, 2001

Katrina

The SAINTS are SUPER BOWL CHAMPIONS!!! 

I mean, for real, three things far from my wildest imaginations.

And that's not even the personal stuff we've walked through.  When I see God's hand guiding us through it all I am amazed.  I'm reminded that God does have a plan, He does love us unconditionally and He always makes good even from the hardest of trials. Always.  And He blesses us because He loves us, not because we have somehow merited anything.

And it goes without saying that our biggest miracle is our sweet, precious daughter.  Kendall has stolen our hearts. 

Happy Anniversary, Gabe.  I love you so much.  I am thankful every day for you.  God truly blessed me beyond measure.  You are a man of integrity who  protects and leads our family in a godly way.  You are loyal, kind and patient when needed ;)  Thank you for being a wonderful daddy to Kendall. She adores you.  The time you spend with her is such a blessing that will stay with her throughout her life.

Kendall watches Cinderella daily. Seriously, daily.  And she told me she was going to marry a prince when she gets bigger.  To which I replied, "Yes, Sweetie, God has the perfect prince picked just for you." 

And I am so grateful he did the same for me.  Happy Anniversary, Sweetie.  I'd do it all over again.

Blessings

Going along with my post on blessings, I had to share my newest, favoritest song.

Blessings by Laura Storey

So Where's My Rainbow?

Dontcha just hate it when plans, ever so craftily planned out as they may be, just don't go as planned?  Or you get some dreaded news?  Maybe someone has let you down.  Or maybe whatever "it" is is just not happening or not happening right. Since this is all on your mind I guess you've figured I'm in the midst of a storm.  Try several storms.  Yuck.

So what do we do when life throws us a curve?  Doesn't go our way? Has surprising and disappointing results or never ending storm clouds?  It's so easy to get into a funk and ask all the "Why" questions . I personally like to delve into self pity and an attractive, wallowing pout, all the while trying to figure out what I did to deserve it. But, really, who likes delayed gratification? How about a frustrating series of (non) events?  Want some unanswered prayer?  Here 'ya go. Here's a handful of lemons.  Now go make some lemonade. Gee, thanks.

Lately I've had some personal setbacks and uninviting occurrences.  It seems like, if life is a highway (sorry, i know that's a song), my car is stalled at the green light and everyone is honking and waving on their way by.  Ever felt that way?? How do we make sense of it all?  And why does God allow, or not allow in some instances, things to happen the way they do sometimes?  It's easy to praise Him for the blessings when the sun is shining.  But what about when storm clouds come?  And linger.

Well, our outlook and attitude really depends on our definitions of blessings. If blessings are merely the good, cotton candy and rainbows stuff that happens that makes us happy and satisfied that things are just as we wanted or better, then I'm afraid we'll spend alot of life frustrated and disappointed.  However, if blessings are events, circumstances or tangible things God brings into our lives to teach us  and pave the way for even greater future "blessings" then we just might view life differently.  Blessings could come by the way of God's favor or mercy in the midst of trials.  Blessings could be disguised in unanswered prayer because God has something more in store.  Blessings could be God revealing Himself personally to us in ways we never could experience except for on our knees. They teach us about ourselves and reveal God to us.  Peace is not the absence of trouble, but the sustaining power and protection of God in the midst of them.

Did you catch that?  God reveals Himself personally to us.  He desires fellowship with His children.  He's not just some "absent father" who holds us at arms length distance while pointing His finger into our faces.  He holds us in His hands. Jesus left Heaven, took on flesh in the state of a helpless baby, and bore our sins undeservedly so that we could have a relationship with Him!  What could possibly be better blessing than that?? So how do we so easily lose sight of this and limit our eyes to the here and now?  If Jesus was tempted with and felt all the feelings we felt, how could be shake our accusatory fists claiming that He just doesn't care or understand?  Have we forgotten how limited our understanding and sight is compared to God's infinite wisdom?  Have we dismissed His promises to us, such as to never leave us or forsake us or to work all things for good?

Lately alot has been on my mind.  Can ya tell?? Why did my friend's husband recently become diagnosed with an incurable, degenerative disease?  Why did another friend's mom find out that she had beginning stages of breast cancer that could easily be treated with radiation only later to find it was more invasive than thought and now has to face chemo?  Why did the people of Tuscaloosa and Joplin have to endure devastating tornadoes that killed loved ones and wiped out entire portions of their city?  Why am I suffering my own injustices?

Is healing limited to the physical body?  Are blessings merely flesh appeasers?  Are they limited to gain, profit or advantage? Or is healing of our souls, the eternal part of us that will carry into eternal life, the ultimate blessing?  Would we really want to trade God's unconditional love and assurance of eternity with Him in the Paradise for which our bodies were created in the first place for any earthly gain? What does a man profit if he gains the world but loses his soul?

My mom's friend with breast cancer, whom I referred to earlier, said something profound that has radically changed my stinky attitude of late.  In the midst of painful chemo treatments, hair loss, uncertainty, and possibly doubt of fear, she said that she will choose to focus on what God is doing through the circumstances in her and her family's lives rather than on what is being done.  Wow.  In other words, the journey, not the desired results, is important.  What does God desire to do through her that will affect others eternally, even if it includes diagnosis and painful treatments?  What is God teaching her about herself?  How is He displaying His unconditionally love and promise to never leave or forsake her?  How is He intimately revealing Himself to her?

I've had past trials that God has tremendously used to grow my faith and help me catch just a glimpse of His love and sovereignty.  And in hind sight, I am actually thankful for those trials because I would not be the person I am today.  Trials mold us.  They teach us,  They bring us back to our dependency on our Creator.  The stretch and challenge us.  And when we come through on the other side unscathed by the flames, unmoved by the waves, we can truly praise God for who His is. Love. Our Redeemer.  Our Restorer.  The Lifter of Our Heads. My Savior.

And just when I begin to doubt again, instead of treating me in the way I think I deserve, He wraps His loving arms around me and carries me. And when I am having crazy thoughts of how hard it is to let go of control, I think how crazy that thought truly is.  Who would I want in control, me, who can make a royal mess of things, or God who is perfect, all-knowing, sovereign and mighty to save?  When I get the right perspective again I remember several things:

God loves me more than I can imagine.
God has plans, good plans, for me.
God desires my heart.
And these present trials are not even to be compared to the glory yet to be revealed to us.

So whatever "it" is for you, hang in there.  Trust in God.  Let His joy be your strength.  And praise Him in the storm.  You will come out on the other side marveled at His love and grace for you. And knowing what you'll know then, you wouldn't trade any of it for the world.