There's one word that I think is difficult, if not merely impossible at times, to master: forgiveness. Yep, that would be the "four letter word" referenced in the title.
Doesn't the mention of the word bring an "ummph" from your inmost being? I've realized lately that forgiveness is hard for one reason. It's a supernatural act; meaning nothing in me can master it on my own. Only when we allow God's grace and love to reign in our hearts are we capable of releasing the offender through His forgiveness. Then and only then can we find true freedom, not just the old adage, "forgive and forget" which can be applied, at times I guess, to what we would categorize as minor offences.
Don't read too much into what I'm saying. Those of you who know me closely you don't need to rack your brains of who possibly did something horrible and unmentionable to me. No need for that. I don't "hate" anyone. I'm not bearing a huge grudge that is stealing my joy. I'm not running around pouring out my heart heart to everyone. No bitterness. No sleepless nights. No dashed dreams and heartache. If only it were that easily recognizable. See, the grave danger of unforgivenss is in its subtlety. It sneaks up on us slowly and under the radar. We justify feelings, point accusatory fingers and rally our cause with like-minded friends. Selfish thoughts take over and we find ourselves in the web of unforgiveness wondering how we got there.
I'm not trying to trivialize hurt. Some hurts inflicted on innocent people leave lasting wounds that run deep. Some are even considered unforgivable, especially when abuse of any sort has been unfairly and undeservedly inflicted on the innocent, whether ourselves or our loved one. I'm referring to the minor to moderate hurts that really are similar to childlike meanness and banter inflicted by the play yard bully.
Here's a truth I've learned: hurting people hurt people. And I know I've done my share on both sides of this truth. That's just the fact of it. When we're wounded, which means our spiritual armor is defective in an area, we carelessly wield our little spiritual swords around with flippant words, actions or innuendos, and when these barbs hit another's compromised armor, hurt happens. And then we stagger around spiritually weeping and wailing of our afflictions. By this point, our focus is on ourselves. Our hurt. Our injustice. The nerve of that person; I don't deserve this! And that's the lead in to the other truth: pride and unforgiveness feed on each other. If we're nursing our wound, justifiable as it seems, we've all wrapped up in ourselves. And that's pride. Ouch, I know.
Unfortunately lately I have experienced some unreciprocated feelings and I've even taken up the offences of others in another situation, another dangerous tactic in the forgiveness warfare. Maaaybe I could even use the words: slight betrayal. But slight. There's just not one huge thing I'm struggling to forgive. Instead it's those little grudgerous roots that grow so stealthily under the ground and wrap themselves ever so slightly around our hearts stifling the flow of God's joy and peace. You know, like those annoying, pesky little weeds the pop up in your flowerbeds mere minutes after careful pruning. And if you hate yard work like me, that's just flat out annoying! But what starts out so small over time becomes life sucking and devastating. And just when I think I've uprooted any and all bitterness in me, a careless (or intentional) fling of another's sword pops up some more. I find myself baffled by how I was even bothered at all by such mindless banter or a thoughtless deed, ever as slight as it is in the grand scheme of things. It's that aforementioned little weed lying hidden under the heart's surface just waiting for the right conditions to rear it's ugly head.
And I'm not punishing the other person with harbored unforgiveness, contrary to how I like to view it at times. Instead I become a prisoner in the very cell of bitterness, unforgiveness and resentment that I built. Forgiveness becomes easier when we realize two things. First, the focus is not on the other person, but on ourselves. It's for our own freedom and healing to forgive. Since harbored feelings of resentment enslave our very own self, we become our own prisoner.
Secondly, and most importantly, we lose sight of the forgiveness given to us. God showed His abundant love and mercy (unmerited favor) by sending His own Son to die for our sins. Jesus bore the sin of the world, every injustice you and I will ever commit, so that we can have a relationship with Him. And until we come face to face with our own sinfulness and desperate need of a savior, we can never experience the freedom of forgiveness. We aren't sinners because we sin; we sin because we're sinners. The Bible says that we all have sinned and have fallen short of the glory of God. If we just needed fixing up, as our pastor said, God would not have sent His Son to die, but rather a doctor to bandage us up. But band aids and medicine were not what was needed. Blood, as atonement for our sins, from a spotless, sinless lamb was necessary. God pulled out all the stops.
So who am I to choose not to forgive injustices when I have been forgiven so much? (By no means does the other extreme apply where we allow ourselves to become doormats from repeated and predicted insults and inflictions.) Instead, we extend grace and mercy to the accuser, just as God did for us. And if that brings up thoughts of "But you don't know what this person did to me," or "you don't know how I was unfairly accused and treated" or "you don't understand", you may be right. But consider the words of Max Lucado, "How does God deal with your bitter heart? He reminds you that what you have is more important than what you don't have. You still have your relationship with God. No one can take that." No matter what I feel the accuser robbed me of, it all pales in comparison to what I have that cannot be taken through Jesus' love and forgiveness. So whether your struggling to forgive another, yourself, your circumstances or God, remember that God loves you so much more than you could ever think or imagine. And Jesus understands.
The cost is too high NOT to forgive. In reference to satan's primary assault on the believer -seduction- Beth Moore states that the enemy uses doubt, shame, fear and blame (unforgiveness!) to seduce the believer into a fruitless, weary, ineffective life. {But [now] I am fearful, lest that even as the serpent beguiled Eve by his cunning, so your minds may be corrupted and seduced from wholehearted and sincere and pure devotion to Christ. 2 Corinthians 11:3} The enemy's second and also highly successful tactic, is to convince a believer that "this could never happen to me." See why pride is so dangerous?
Yes, forgiveness is hard and in this life, continuous; but the ramifications of unforgiveness far exceed any sacrificial pain of forgiveness. Forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. Responding in Christ's love is a supernatural response that can only come through a relationship with Him. Though the mindset of this world is to cling to a hurt, betrayal or conflict for "justifiable reasons" that lead to a victim mentality, Jesus' kingdom is not of this world. Jesus calls Christians to be salt and light in a dark, fallen world. And often Christ's words were not the "going trend".
Remember for how much you have been forgiven, let go, and respond in love. You'll be amazed at the freedom you then can walk in.
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For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:14-15
This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins. Matthew 26:28
who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, Psalm 103:3
And to whomsoever much is given, of him shall much be required. Luke 12:48
Blessed are those whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Romans 4:7
Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9
Remember that dream (vision?) of you ministering to large groups of women? This may be the fulfillment.
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