Occupational Hazard

Lately I've been in a funk.  A melancholy, pathetic funk. The kind of funk where your brain is clouded but you know enough to know nothing is really wrong, so what's really wrong??

I really haven't said much about it. 

I haven't blogged because of it (other than a few cute pics of the kids). 

I don't know what caused it.

 I'm sick of it.

Oh I chalked it up to lingering remnants of post partum hormones, sleep deprivation and plain 'ole mommy brain.  And I do believe those factors played a part to mix a toxic storm. But I just couldn't shake it.  Brielle now pretty consistently sleeps all night, and that has helped.  I took up running to get some endorphins going, and fell off that high horse when the flu and teething, sub-freezing temps and stitches hit.  I'm busy with two kids and a part time job (which I happen to love) so it kept me mentally busy.

I just felt so sloth-like.  My BFF pegged it as sleep deprivation.  "It'll do crazy things to 'ya". 

But I really couldn't even pray about it.  Actually I had one prayer.  It was the words of a hymn, "Prone to wonder, Lord I feel it.  Prone to leave the God I love.  His my heart, Lord, take and seal it.  Seal it for Thy courts above."  In modern day, simple language, "God, hold on to me and don't let me go.  I know you are faithful to get me through this.  I choose to believe against how I feel.  Just hold me and don't let me go." Plain and simple.  I couldn't go deep in my prayers.  I just felt like I was hitting a wall.  But I know God is faithful.  I know He never forsakes me.  And I had to know there was a reason.

Enter the reason.

As I mentioned, I love my job. I'm in my second year of directing the mother's morning out at our church.  I had no idea what I was signing up for when I accepted the position.  Yes, I use my strong organizational and leadership skills  to keep up with all the bajillion details to keep the ministry functioning.  But I had no idea what would be the biggest challenge I would face.  Many of these families I have come to know through the MMO.  And though I've developed some relationships with moms, grandmas, and other random relatives, only few carry over into my personal life outside of work.

I'm amazed at how these moms open up to me, pour out their hearts and share their trials with me.  And one common theme has resonated through it all.

It can be summed up in one word...overwhelmed.

The mom whose unborn baby is labeled "at risk"...overwhelmed

The mom with newborn twins that don't sleep...overwhelmed

The mom taking care of her family and her ailing grandmother...overwhelmed

The mom whose child is displaying misbehavior...overwhelmed

The mom having to go back to work full time...overwhelmed

The mom looking for a diagnosis...overwhelmed

The mom who just moved here and whose husband is soon to be deployed...overwhelmed


And on I could go.

Notice a common theme??  Yep, overwhelmed.  That creepy little voice that whispers in your ear that you're alone, you can't handle this, you're not good enough.  A voice we've all entertained too much at times.  A voice that brings defeat when listened to.

Thunk! went the knowledge slapping me upside the head. A true Holy Spirit moment.  God lifted the veil over my eyes and brought the clarity I had been believing would come. 

One afternoon sitting in my office feeling none other than...overwhelmed...my boss lady (she's coined the phrase herself so it's all good) saw the look on my face and asked if I was ok and, naturally, what had happened. No one thing was wrong. It was just a summation of all the dejecting news and, for lack of a better word, overwhelming situations, that seemed to stare me in the face with each turn. And I told her exactly that .

She looked me straight on without missing a beat and dropped some knowledge on me, "And why do you think they come to you?? [she proceeded to answer her own question] Because they can trust you." Plain and simple. She laid it out.

Yes, God brings seasons of trial into our lives to teach us more of Him and to remind us that our only hope is Him.  But if we stop there we've missed a big piece of the puzzle.  Nothing happens in our lives just for us.  God intends to use it all for His glory, to bring His glory to others.  It was suddenly I realized that God allowed me to walk through that dark cloud to bring His glory to others, especially these moms that I have contact with.  It's not about me at all.  And if I would have continued my "woe is me" solitaire game, I would have missed the finish line that God wanted to lead me to. I'm His instrument for Him to minister to others as well.

So going back to "overwhelmed".  Being a mama is one of the hardest jobs on the planet for a lengthy list of reasons, but the main ones probably being that our children are our heart (so we can't afford to screw it all up), they don't come with a manual, and there is a wealth of "good advice" telling me all the things I "should" be doing to receive the label as "super star mom".  And all that unsolicited advice is often, well, overwhelming, especially when combined with other problems and situations we face.

Jesus said He came to give us abundant life, His grace is sufficient, and nothing we face is a stranger to Him.  So why am I so dejected?  Well, maybe I've just been listening to the wrong voice.  Or maybe God silently led me through a season where I had to trust His heart even when I couldn't trace His hand.

If there's one thing that's worth being overwhelming, it's God's lavish love for me and you. May that be the only overwhelming thought I entertain today.

She Aint Her Sister!

Oh Brielle is for sure my meddler! This child has done more already than her big sister ever thought of doing!

She's already pro at pulling up...

She didn't want to participate in the family Sunday afternoon nap. She finally gave it up.  It's hard to tell with her white stockings, but she went directly from a sitting up positiotnn to a lying down.  Her legs are tucked under neath and her head is rested on her toes. 

Apparently she thinks Kendall's bath water needs a tempratre adjustment.

I was tempted to leave her here.  At least she couldn't go anywhere.

"Oh, you're talking to me?? You want the toilet paper back?"

 

 

"Here ya go..."

Happy Nine Months, Brielle!

It's here again! Brielle is all too quickly approaching the one year mark!

It's getting harder each month to get a picture with her pillow. She's just not in the mood to cooperate with the camera lately.

"Oh, you want a picture with THIS pillow, Mommy?"

"Hee hee.  I'd rather show my tricks!  See how I stand?!"

"And here's my wave!"

"I love to clap, too!"

 

"Even if you change my outfit and try again later...I'll just eat the pillow."

"But I will show you how I love to put my finger in my mouth."

"Oh...alright...I'll sit by the pillow for ONE snap.  But I WON'T look at the camera."

Happy nine months, Briellie Bop!

First T Ball Game

Kendall's first t ball game was today. She had been so excited all week!

I know these shots aren't great, but I still am a proud mama.  Here she is warming up with her team. Go #13!!

I'm glad that in tball there are no scores and no outs.  They play two innings, and everyone gets two turns at bat and two turns in the field.  Since Kendall was the last at bat, she got to run the bases around to home.  So basically she can say she ran a home run her first at bat :)

Coach was ready with a high five when she crossed the plate.

Way to go, Lil Slugger!!

All I Can Do...And It's Enough

This year for Holy Week leading up to Easter we really tried to downplay the Easter bunny and eggs and cute baby chicks (not that those things in themselves as bad) and instead focus on the true meaning of Easter.  Kendall is now old enough to begin learning about Jesus' ultimate sacrifice on our behalf.

Being the good teacher that I am, I searched Pinterest, pinned a link, and totally copied another mother's great ideas.  Because that's what good teachers do.  So don't be jealous of give me unmerited props for the best Easter lesson ever.  It's totally reproduced :)  In fact, in case you're interested in being a "good teacher" too, here's the link.

Here's the chart that we worked on every night leading up to Easter Sunday.  Each night had a passage to read from the Bible, a verse to (try to) memorize and a picture to glue. 

The few weeks after Easter have got me thinking about some stuff. Often as a mom I feel so overwhelmed about what I have to do and what needs to get done.  There's always a never ending to do list and many days I feel like I'm moving at top speed just to keep my head above water and my house from falling apart. Many days my hopes of actually sewing or blogging (resting is not even in the realm of possibility) are dashed by immediate demands of a tired baby, a hungry family and a full clothes hamper. 

All the physical demands can many times overwhelm the spiritual needs of my family as well.  That's when the condemnation is heaped like burning coals that I'm.just.not.doing.enough.  After all, there's so much to instill and "unteach" from incidental corrupt worldly exposure that my head just spins by it all.

There's definitely a place for purposeful teaching and taking the time to "train up a child in the way she should go". And God does give parents the responsibility to teach their children.  But teaching is where my responsibility as a mother ends and God's begins.  He alone can awaken my child's spirit to His truth.  Only He can change a heart.  I can provide an atmosphere where His Word can be instilled, but He and He alone calls a child to Himself.  And what a relief that is to me.  I cannot succumb to condemnation as a terrible mother when my child does wrong.  And, likewise, I can't take the credit when she does right. If I've been burdened by it all then I've been carrying a load not intended for me since Jesus said His yoke is easy and His burden is light.

In other words...I don't have to be God.  Phew!  That's a good thing because I wouldn't make a good one.  I can't perform miracles; I can't save.  But I can do my best to prepare fertile soil and plant seeds and then pray and watch expectantly for God to bring a harvest.  God's Word does not return void.   I pray daily that...

...God will draw my girls unto Himself.

...God's glory will overwhelm any voice from the world in my girls' hearts.

...God would reveal His truth and awaken my girls' spirits in His perfect timing.

...My girls would love God with all their heart, soul and mind and seek Him first.

...My girls would accept Jesus as Lord and Savior at a young age and become a living sacrifice, allowing God to work His perfect plan planned long ago in their lives.

...My girls would know their true worth in Christ and will take His truth to others.

...God would hide my girls under His almighty shadow protect them physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually from an enemy that comes to steal, kill and destroy.

I can't DO any of those things myself.  But I sure can introduce them to the Jesus who did it for me and wait expectantly as God raises His next generation for His glory and honor.

Academy Award Winning Performance

Here's a little back story:  I recently went to the doctor to get a little procedure done on my leg which required  some stitches.  It was a little more invasive than I had anticipated and for a few days I was in alot of pain.  But you mamas know we don't get a day off so I just pressed on with life as normal.

Kendall:  Mama, when is the doctor going to take the "bitches" out of your leg??

Without missing a beat, Mommy: Oh, my stitches? Next week.

total poker face

And now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go write my Oscar acceptance speech.