Big School

The big day is quickly approaching.  The day I've dreaded for a long time.  The day that when she was born almost six short years ago that seemed so far away but has come before I realized it.

Big School.

A few weeks ago I ran into a parent of a former kindergartner I taught before I became a mother.  (Her daughter will be entering high school in the fall!)  I had to apologize to her for something she knew nothing about over the years.  Since I hadn't experienced motherhood yet when her child was in my class I didn't fully "get it".  I wasn't sure exactly what "it" was at the time as I was told I'd understand one day.  What I "didn't get" was why these mamas were making such a fuss over their child being in kindergarten.  I mean, really, for crying out loud, they're ONLY five!  They're still little!  It's not like they're going off to college, which why even worry about since that's still SO far away when you're a mere kindergartner. They can barely read! So c.a.l.m. d.o.w.n. mamas.

Ha! It's amazing how perspective can change things.  It's amazing how two small children can come into your life and completely turn your life inside out.  Literally.  Because becoming a mother involves having your heart walk around outside your body.  And every step, every closing chapter in a child's life and motherhood's  journey is bittersweet for a mama.

Kendall has many times been referred to as my Sidekick.  She's my buddy.  She goes with me just about everywhere.  It's a rare moment to have time to myself, and that's ok.  Tiring, but ok.  (Realization #1:  Kids grow up WAY too fast.) And up to now, there's very little in Kendall's daily life that I don't know about.  Even though she went to a half day K3 and K4 program, she was home by lunch, and I am involved in the program so these teachers and directors are my friends and co-workers.  So I was in the know.  But now?  Oh dear lord, my child will be one little fish in an awfully big pond.  I think that 's the hardest part for me.  I'm going to miss her!  (Realization #2:  The days are long but the years are short.)  She won't eat lunch with Brielle and me.  And the majority of what I know of her day will come solely from what she tells me about unfamiliar teachers and classmates. 

(Realization #3:  Kids are sponges.)  They soak up way more than we give them credit for.  They so badly want to be big that they study and imitate the adults around them.  I'm praying this summer that God would place Kendall in the class that would be the best fit for her, a teacher that will be a godly role model for her and her classmates.  And I'm praying again for this coming year for a sweet friend in her class.  A friend who also would be a good influence on her and would have the same morals instilled into her that we are striving to instill in our daughters.  God answered that prayer this past year and I'm hopeful He will again.

I know next summer I'll look back on her kindergarten year and be so grateful for God's faithfulness.  I'll be happy as a mama to watch her grow. learn and begin to mature into the young lady God created her to be.  But given Realization #4 (Anticipation is worse than the event) I'm gonna sweat it out a little this summer.

Bear with this mama.  I have moments when I'm excited and happy, and moments when I'm dreadful and anxious.  In other words, I'm basically a roller coaster. I hope I get the hang of easing out the nest now.  I heard it's worse with the baby!  Until then, I'll just squeeze Brielle a little tighter.