Kendall has had her first playground experience with the "mean girl" at a tender age of five. She thinks she's hurt, which she is and rightfully so, but this mama's heart is way more burdened lately. Partly due to my years of experience with "mean girls" and how I know it hurts. Partly to my foresight as to what lies ahead for her during these growing up years. And maybe a tad of mama bear who wants to claw some mean girl eyes out. (Rabbit chase: Daddy has learned that the playground is a whole different world for girls than for boys.)
The hardest, yet most empowering part of being a mother is to not fight our children's battles for them, which conflicts against all instincts to turn "mama bear" on anyone who encroaches on our cub with any impending threat. Yes, I could run to the teacher and director. Or, I could hunt this girl down and stalk her with evil eyes on the days I am at school working. (I don't think that would be the MOST effective course of action.) Or honestly I could tell my child to retaliate. Worst yet, I could scream from mountain tops the atrocities afflicted on my child and demand the school take direct, immediate action since, after all, by child has suffered unjustly, and SOMEBODY should fix it.
The most damaging result of fighting our kids' battles for them is that we never prepare them for the world that
Excuse me while I climb back down from my soapbox and continue my point. Back to my child...
You might for a minute think my next statement is bold, or downright mean. But I'm kinda glad (tiny bit glad) that my daughter is experiencing such behavior from a peer. Not because I want her to suffer. Not because I'm cold hearted. But the opposite. Because I love her. She is still young and dependent enough to come running to her mama with open arms. She still thinks in a way I have all the answers, and holds on to a child-like faith that trusts. And what better time for her to get a taste of "the world" than in a loving, sheltered, Christian school and environment that she has been a part of for four or her five years of existence with teachers that know her well and truly want the best for her.
Kendall is trying to wrap her brain around why in the world someone would be mean for no apparent reason. It makes no sense to her. We've had many discussions about the reasons as to why a person would choose such behavior. Maybe they're jealous. Maybe there's "sad" in their heart and that's how they combat it. But whatever the cause, there's nothing she did to initiate it, but there is a way to combat it. With love. Fight back with love. In the balance of not being retaliative but neither submitting to a mere doormat, I'm trying to steer Kendall through these uncharted waters of the mean girl and how to overcome evil with good. We've had many discussions, some tears, and plenty of hugs and "I'm sorrys". Each conversation I'm desperately praying for wisdom as the words are coming out my mouth.
And it's through Kendall's reactions that I have a glimpse into her heart. There's no better way to have a direction of how to pray for your child than to see what's in their heart. Good and bad, truth and lie have surfaced. I'm speaking to her heart about who God says she is, how God wants her to respond. And the worst news of all for Kendall, how God desires her to PRAY for this girl. I know personally how tough a pill that idea is to swallow. To PRAY for the person who is deliberately hurting you? Yes. Through teaching Kendall I am reminded of how God has healed my heart through showing love and how the powerful words of prayers are just as much for me as for the offender, keeping it tender and rid of anger and bitterness.
If this situation had not occurred throughout this year, I would have missed as her mother an opportunity to teach her, grow her, speak to her heart, and stay on my weary knees in prayer for God to draw Kendall to Himself, reveal Himself to her, and change her heart. And of course I'm praying also for her to be protected from the enemy's lies that a geared to steal, kill and destroy. That's the key of motherhood- leading your child's heart to the One who has the power over the heart, and not trying to mold it myself, or equally as dangerous, keep her heart from experiencing God's grace and forgiveness by fighting the battle for her. It's the delicate balance of holding a bird too loosely or too tightly. Hold him just right and he's protected and gains the strength to fly off on his own when his time is right.
In God's loving kindness and perfect timing, through her teacher He confirmed in my spirit how His truth is being revealed to her and His Word is not returning void...
Kendall has only actually prayed for this girl once through, probably, a little too much coaxing on my part. She threw the words, as few as possible, out quickly and tritely to appease her mama, I knew. (Baby steps I remind myself. Don't squeeze that bird too hard!) Two days later in carpool, her teacher informed me that Kendall was leery entering the playground. (This is my child who is a people magnet and has a gift of leadership and teaching that is already evident.) She gave her teacher a hug and said to her, "I really don't want to be around her. I haven't prayed for her yet, but I need to. I'm going to pray for her right now." Then she ran off.
Tears streamed down my face as she is recounting Kendall's comment to me. It was exactly what this hurting mama needed to hear.
Kendall, as you grow, stay this little in your childlike faith. Stay this innocent. Stay this trusting. Stay -yet grow- ever loving, kind and compassionate.
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But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. Matthew 5:44
Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” Matthew 19:14
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Romans 12:21
Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:5-7
Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. Deuteronomy 11:18-20
And so.....the "child" preaches to the mama. If I had been this wise in your elementary days, I wonder if your KF experience would have been different.
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