Pondering

"But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart."  Luke 2:19

Hmmm. What things? What was Mary sizing up in her head?

Well, let's see.  An angel appeared to Mary, who was engaged at the time, out of the blue and told her she would have a baby; and not just any baby, but God's own son.  She had to travel nine months pregnant, by donkey-back none the less (and we think our roads are bad and we're uncomfortable with every bump and pot hole) to a crowded city.  There was no where to stay once they got there and she was now in labor.  She got put up in a barn to give birth.  She had to lay her newborn baby, Jesus, in a manger amidst smelly animals and nasty hay.  And she knew life as she had known it was over.  From here on out things wouldn't be exactly the way she had dreamed in her mind in the days leading up to the angel's visit.  She was probably wrapped up in wedding plans and happily ever after dreams with her soon-to-be hubby when -interject with the Hallelujah chorus and a beam of light from heaven- enters Gabriel with a message from God. To say he rocked her world in that moment would be an understatement.  (You woulda lost me at the "there's no more non-smoking rooms at the Holiday Inn" part.)

And what was her response to Gabriel?  "I am the Lord's servant.  May it be to me as you have said."

 Silence. Chirping crickets. Hold up. Screeching brakes.

Where's the "you've got to be kidding" look? Where's the cries of fairness and "why me"s?  Where's the time out hand gesture accompanied with the you-must-be-mistaken-you-have-the-wrong-person speech? You know, the one Moses gave. (Not to bash on Moses; I'd be highly likely to deliver a good one myself.) Where's the pleading with God?  The voicing of personal plans, goals and priorities?  The crying fit in front of the mirror that eventually slides down onto the bathroom floor? (Ya with me ladies?) The whipping out of the calendar, agenda or to-do- list to see if it'll actually fit in around what's already been penciled inked in? Maybe Mary had a moment like that and Luke left that part out.  But regardless, even if she did (and who could blame her?), it was temporary and her heart, despite momentary human weakness, was to honor God with ALL of herself, including her entire life, her future. She was able to move past her own thoughts, dreams, and desires to know that her life was for more than all that.  And her God was more worthy than all that. Period.  Her life was not her own.  She trusted her God.  And whatever He asked of her was ok.

A friend just said it well:  "Ever noticed how we only talk about Mary at Christmas? If I wrote bible studies I'd write one on her. Her life is amazing if you think about it."

For a minute let's remove our current culture, morals, thinking, and society and delve into Mary's world. This was not an unplanned pregnancy in the way see see it today. An unwed, pregnant mom had just a liiiiitle bit more stigma attached to it then.  By saying, "Let it be", Mary was saying:  "I know I might be ostracized by society.  And my family may reject me.  And my fiancee could very well dump me.  And no other man would ever think to marry me.  Which means I'll be a single mom.  And poor.  And jobless.  And ridiculed.  Maybe homeless and hungry.  Shamed, disregarded and forgotten.  And what about my baby? (After all, she was his mama, and no one could ever love him like she would.) What kind of a future would he have? HOW could God work all He said from THIS?  Doesn't God see this is hopeless?  This is not how God should do this.  Maybe it would be better if He would... This is impossible."  All these "what-ifs" could have taken such a heavy toll on Mary had she not fully trusted her God. Wow.  See what I mean by an amazing woman of faith and courage?  A woman who knew that her life rested in the palm of God's hand and He not only knew what He was doing, but would work out every detail and see her through it?  I'm not saying that every calling of God is torturous (maybe high priced is a better word?) and as life altering as Mary's.  Many times they're not, but we still manage to think up a laundry list of why we should dig in our heels.

That's just what Satan does.  He plants seeds of doubt that take root to unbelief and mature to a faithless life.  Our human minds tend to focus on the impossible and negative.  We don't understand so we question God's sovereignty.  We can't see the future so we question God's wisdom.  We can't map out the sequence of events so we second guess God's faithfulness. We limit ourselves to the here and now, the have and have nots, our lack of adequacy and ability, and our wavering faith and limited knowledge, all the while forgetting the immeasurableness of an infinite God. If Mary could say yes to all THAT, what is holding me back from things I know God asks of me?  The problem lies not in the size of the issue, but the size of our faith because we forget the sheer vastness and majesty of our God.

I think about my own life.  I so often put God in a box that fits my abilities and realm of "possible-ness".  I really do have a wonderful life, and God has truly blessed me greatly in many ways. I've seen God work in miraculous ways in my life in the past. But I sometimes tend to not believe that God would, or could, do whatever He wants in His timing however He sees fit now.  I settle for what I have or what God's already done  and what I can see and dare to pray or believe beyond that.  I have moments of great faith, but they seem to be moments.  So often I find myself questioning, doubting or worrying instead of simply trusting. Or I weigh statistical odds to measure the possibility of something instead of standing on God's Word and knowing that if He wills it, it WILL happen.

And am I open to change like Mary?  Does my life resound with "Let it be"?  I think of all the goals and desires that I hold on to, the things I'm not willing to turn over to God and trust Him with since, after all, it's what I want or have come to expect.  The things that fall under the categories of "If This Never Happens I'll Just Die" of "It This Happens It's All Over As Far As I'm Concerned".  If God rocked my world beyond what I could imagine, or just simply asked me to be faithful in something seemingly small,  would I jump on board with little to no hesitation like Mary?  Mary did seem confused at first.  After all, she did ask Gabriel how that could be.  But she moved beyond her questions to a place of faith.  And that's where I want to be.  I want to trust God fully in whatever He asks of me, regardless how big or small.  We often times gravitate to the big things like moving to a remote village and living in a dirt floored hut.  But really, there are so many little things, daily devotions, acts of kindness God calls us to do that we tend to either overlook or down play.  I'm guilty of sticking to my agenda and if it fits in, great, if not...well, either I'll get to it later or someone else will do it, right?

Kendall has a Christmas video that has a very simple song about Mary.  Well, the words are simple.  But the message is profound and life changing if we can only grasp hold of it.

Yes, yes let it be.
Yes, yes, unto me.
Yes, yes let it be
Just as God has said.

So what are you pondering?  What are you believing God for? What are you trusting God with? What have you lost faith in?  What are you expecting from God?

May our answer be as simple as Mary's.  Whatever God.  I'm in.  I'm available.  I'm yours.