Let me start off my saying that I am a HUGE advocate for education, and I believe in it's importance. I was raised in a home where education was of high priority. School was taken seriously and I was expected to do my absolute best. But in mainstream society the focus has been merely on academics and social skills. And the pressure to get our children a head start or advantage seems to be mounting. After all, learning to read earlier leads to better grades, which leads to higher test scores, which leads to scholarships, which leads to degrees, which leads to open doors and opportunities. And what loving parent wouldn't want their child to be successful in life with abounding opportunities, personal fulfillment and happiness? Is that enough to kick back one day, let out a sigh of relief, and bask in the awesome job we did as parents to raise such a successful child? IS that the definition of success?
To be successful in life, we've been taught that our children need to be smart, cultured, well-balanced, well-liked and exposed to every advantage and "head start" that we as parents can give them. And ultimately we grade our parenting efforts in such measurements. I find it SO easy to compare my child's milestones with her peers already. I'm tempted to worry that maybe my child could possibly be delayed, and let out a sigh of relief when comparing notes I realize that she seems to be on track after all. Whew, I must be doing my job well! And I really don't get upset when well-intending mothers inquire. I figure they are possibly just as stressed and worried as me about it!
Yes, these experiences and educational opportunities do hold their place of importance and yes, I believe they are important and essential for healthy growth, but if that is the ultimate end goal of parents we have missed the mark by miles, having along the wayside abandoned their spiritual growth which is the essence of who they are as created beings destined for a purpose by God. As informed and conscious parents, we provide an abundance of learning opportunities for our child from technology, research proven educational programs, and curriculum to play dates, field trips, and birthday parties. And we praise our efforts when our child is labeled as smart and advanced. Again, none of these are bad, and I strongly believe in the importance of each... in their proper place. And that's where I feel that the modern Christian culture has missed it.
Deuteronomy clearly lays out parental responsibility to Christians, "Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates..." (11:18-20) Clearly it is not primarily the church's responsibility to "spiritualize" your child, the school's job to "educate" her and the culture's job to "socialize" her. The responsibility falls primarily on the parents.
I have been reading a book, Family Driven Faith, which has really been challenging yet encouraging me to really consider how we are raising Kendall. Though I don't agree on all points with the author, I find he raises some good questions with valid arguments. What is our main goal as her parents? How are we to teach her truth and instill values in her? How are we to teach her to live in this world, yet not be of it in mindset, habit or lifestyle? How is she to enjoy life, be fulfilled, and experience opportunities and blessings this life has to offer while not compromising herself, her beliefs or her morals? Gabe and I have had many discussions on this topic. How will we grade the success of our parenting eighteen years from now? What will be our measuring stick? Is our main objective to see she gets the best possible education which will result in a full ride scholarship to any college of her choice? If so all our efforts will be geared toward schooling, test scores and academic advancement. Do we want her to be popular, cute, well liked by all? We'll see to it, then, that she have every social opportunity possible from toddler play dates and preschool classes to high school social clubs of every sort. Do we want her to excel in either musical or physical talent so that she can feel accomplished and well-rounded? Then we'll sign her up for little league, girl scouts, piano lessons, and whatever else comes our way to the point that we run ourselves ragged from one activity to the next.
Again, I want my child to have these experiences. They are good experiences to be had. I want her to find her passions and gifts, and excel in them. But, I also want my daughter to...
...love the Lord her God with all her mind, soul and strength (Matthew 22:37),
...know the plans God has for her life that give her a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11),
...believe in Jesus Christ and have everlasting life (John 3:16),
...grow in wisdom (James 1:5),
...pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace from a pure heart (2 Timothy 2:22),
...exemplify God's love which is patient; kind; not jealous, arrogant, self seeking or easily provoked; but instead rejoices in truth; bears, believes in, hopes in and endures all things. (1 Corinthians 14:4-7),
...establish her footsteps in God's word (Psalm 119:133),
...delight herself in God's word to be like a tree planted by streams of water, yielding fruit in season (Psalm 1:2-3),
...be humble and of contrite spirit (Isaiah 66:2) ,
...dwell on things that are honorable, right, pure, lovely, of good repute, excellent and worthy of praise (Philippians 4:8),
...acknowledge God in all she does (Proverbs 3:5-6),
...be not anxious in this life, but trust God to see her through all circumstances (Matthew 6:33)
Wow. Just reading the list makes me let out a breath of exasperated exhaustion. Have I accomplished this list myself? Ha, hardly! Is it humanly possible? Not apart from God's divine work and power manifested in our lives. Do I at least reflect these qualities? Sometimes, though I pray for more consistence. So how am I to teach these things to my child? Through God's love, wisdom and grace is my only answer! God promises in His Word to equip us with all we need for every good work. And it humbles me beyond end that He has chosen me...ME...to be a mother to one of His precious little ones.
If you've followed me thus far, you've realized I have way more questions than I do answers. I by no means feel I have figured it all out, arrived at successful parenting, or gained status to tell other parents how to parent. I am looking at statistics coming from both secular main stream and the church and asking questions. I am pointing a finger at myself, challenging my own beliefs and convictions. Am I authentic? Am I a good steward with the time, resources and energy at my exposal when it comes to being a mother? I find myself telling my child she is so smart, and praising her for jobs well done. Is that wrong? Of course not! Is it enough? Am I shaping her character, or giving empty praises?? Does she know I love and value who she is over her accomplishments, or does she feel pressure to perform? Would I get a "well done, good and faithful servant" from God? Parents have more influence, whether good or bad, positive or negative, on shaping their children's lives and world views than any others in the whole world. So what are we doing with our time, actions, and energy?
So where does it begin? In the home with little attitudes, little thoughts, little actions in our daily lives. It begins in our words, actions, habits and character. It's in authentic faith and God's saving grace. In Deuteronomy, God simply commanded Moses to teach the word diligently to the children of Israel. To quote Voddie Baucham in Family Driven Faith,
Our children are not falling away because the church is doing a poor job--although that is undoubtedly a factor. Our children are falling away because we are asking the church to do what God designed the family to accomplish. Discipleship and multi-generational faithfulness begins and ends at home. At best, the church is to play a supporting role as it "equips the saints for the work of ministry (Ephesians 4:12, ESV).
I know where my child is mentally and academically. After all, I make sure she adequately watches her research proven educational programs, though not too much since I've also read up on the high risk factors of too much television viewing by young children. And we're working with her magnetic letters daily (she's mastered identifying O, K and A, thus she can spell a-ok!). And we read a stack of her favorite books every day as well, and I make a point to enunciate my words clearly and point to pictures as I read. Now, here's the kicker...Do I know where my child is spiritually? Is she becoming biblically literate? Does she recognize "Jesus Loves Me" as well as "ABCs"? Is she beginning to understand that she was made by God, and that God loves her and everyone else? Is she learning to talk to God? Does she see the importance this God she is learning about has in her parents' lives? May it be so.
My pastor said it well last Sunday morning. Are we raising our children to be Kingdom Advancers or World Followers? Kendall Lauren means "Royal Conqueror". I was so happy when I learned the meaning of her name after we picked it. My prayer is that she will be a mighty warrior for advancing God's kingdom.
"Let it be said of us by the fruit we leave behind. Let it be said of us that our legacy is blessing for life." (The Blessing)
Well said!
ReplyDelete-If you can't say "Amen" you'd better say "ouch"-
ReplyDeleteI love Voddie! I just want to jump up and down when I listen to his sermons online. I've been wanting to read his book for a while. I think I'll go put it in my Amazon Cart.
Awesome post Carey! You hit the nail on the head!
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